Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Some Kind of Pussies

I was lucky enough to catch the Metallica movie "Some Kind of Monster" on VH1 the other day. I caught it from the very beginning, and watched through to the end. Metallica are modern day icons, having influenced millions of young musicians the world over. And if I understand it correctly, James and Lars' do the majority of writing for the band, so they can sort of hold that title on their own. It is arguable that those two are irreplacable, while any other members are just role players.

I've never faulted Metallica for changing style so drastically after the Black Album. Change is desirable, I don't think a band should stay so static for so long. I heard the most recent Iron Maiden album, and it sounded exactly like the first (Bruce-era) Iron Maiden album. I was pissed. "I've bought this album 15 times already" i thought to myself. AC/DC is another example of this. The great ones change. Elvis changed, The Beatles changed. The world may have changed with these guys, but still. Metallica's altered style was no sin.

I don't know what i was hoping for when i started watching this. I had heard it was a good flick, and i should watch it. So i kept it on. Lars is annoying, James is an alcoholic, and Kirk is a flamer. This i knew already. Everything else i saw, i was sorely dissappointed with.

James and Lars argue like a couple whos divorce is long overdue. Which is bad enough, except they speak to each other like they've been through relationship counseling for the past twenty years. "Lars, when you say this, it makes me feel this way." What the fuck? You're a rock star, James! Throw a fucking tequila bottle at him or something! "Well James, maybe you should consider things from my perspective. I mean could i be more considerate of how you're feeling? Maybe, but...." Lars communicates by asking himself questions and then answering them. Its awesome. And Kirk sits there like a goddamn 4 year old stuck in the middle of a fight between his parents. "C'mon guys, don't fight like this." Fight?? FIGHT!? This isn't how rock stars fight! This is how married sitcom couples fight.

Then half the movie is about James going into a drug treatment facility to beat his drinking problem. The whole time hes in there (over a year) he doesn't speak to Lars, and rarely to Kirk. They don't know if he's ever coming back to the band and Lars hints at replacing him if necessary. Ok Lars, like the world is going to accept metallica without a Hetfield.

During James' hiatus, Lars visits with Dave Mustaine. Finally, i think. This guy was kicked out of the band for his drunken abusive ways. And dave's pissed. Let it rip, lets hear some cursing and see some furniture throwing! Buuuut no, i forgot Dave's a born again christian. (Its worth noting here something i've noticed over the years: Born again christians, along with recovered drug addics, make horrible musicians). He vents his anger in a soft tone, mildly explaining to Lars how much it hurt him to see Metallica rise to the level they did without him. Oh yea, and he cried. He f'ing cried. On camera! "Everything I did was always second best.... waaaaaaaaa." Christ. Its like everyone they meet turns into a mary.

James comes out of rehab and is only allowed to work from 12-4 every day. He also says that nobody else is allowed to work when he's not around, 'cause he doesn't like coming into situations where things have already been decided. "Sounds like my situation for the last 15 years" says Kirk Hammett, with the funniest line in the whole movie. Metallica hires a guy for $40,000 a month to keep things smooth for the band while they work on their new album. They end up fighting with him too.

Did these guys forget what they do for a living? They are 2 of the biggest rock stars in the last 25 years, and they're acting like a pair of stereotypical housewives. If Bob Rock, Cliff Burnstein, or the $40,000/mo con artist hired to help them get along with each other really wanted to help these guys, they'd buy them a copy of Motley Crue's The Dirt, and make them read it every day. I mean, Tommy Lee went to prison for beating his wife. Nikki Sixx died and came back to life. Vince Neil killed somebody! These guys knew how to do it! (Somebody did the world a disservice by "helping" them, too.)

What is this world coming to. Is a white rapper the only rock star we have left ?!?!?

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


I'm not at work.... i swear....
Lasome Kristoff Muzzurrelli
January 19th, 1978
Too personal.
Current Location:
Lets put it this way. You'll need $315,000 to get a crib like mine!
Eye Color:
Hair Color:
I wanna say 5'11", but i haven't measured myself lately.... a'heh
Right Handed or Left Handed:
Your Heritage:
The Shoes You Wore Today:
My adidas are white
Your Weakness:
I am nothing but strength.
Your Fears:
Your Perfect Pizza:
There is no slice of pizza that i will definitely want at any given time.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:
Top goal: own something to live in.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:
"Can't talk ... gotta work"
Thoughts First Waking Up:
"I love myself"
Your Best Physical Feature:
C'mere baby, i'll show ya :-*
Your Bedtime:
That ended when i was .... sadly, like 15.
Your Most Missed Memory:
I don't "miss" anything I remember, but i did just love working at 7-11.
Pepsi or Coke:
Oh Good Lord.
Mac Donalds or Burger King:
"Mac" Donal... who the hell wrote this?
Single or Group Dates:
If by "group" you mean 10 girls and myself...... then single.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:
Triple X.
Chocolate or Vanilla:
Chocolate, goddamn these people with their friggin vanilla. Whats it taste like? Tastes like nothing!
Cappuccino or Coffee:
grande non fat pumpkin spice latte no whip
Do you Smoke:
Do you Swear:
Fuck you. Yes.
Do you Sing:
I have the voice of an angel.
Do you Shower Daily:
..... do i shower daily.
Have you Been in Love:
No, never.
Do you want to go to College:
If i can have WH B35A again.... maybe.
Do you want to get Married:
If you'll sign a prenup.
Do you belive in yourself:
I lie to myself. And you can't spell.
Do you get Motion Sickness:
yea, its awesome, i love it
Do you think you are Attractive:
I am a beast :(
Are you a Health Freak:
You wish you were a freak like me
Do you get along with your Parents:
They worship me like a GOD!
Do you like Thunderstorms:
More than you do
Do you play an Instrument:
I play several
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:
In the past month have you Smoked:
I have
In the past month have you been on Drugs:
I have, and now i no longer play for the NY Giants.
In the past month have you gone on a Date:
I got a date Wednesday, baby!
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:
I did, and everyone there was cooler than me
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:
You fat bastard. Who eats a BOX of Oreos.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:
funny you should mention that. No.
In the past month have you been on Stage:
Not with any clothes on.... ohhh!
In the past month have you been Dumped:
doing the math aaaaaaand.... nope!
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:
Yes, I go skinny dipping every october.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:
i stole your love! stole your love!
Ever been Drunk:
I'm a christian man.
Ever been called a Tease:
Noooo wwaaaay.
Ever been Beaten up:
I do the beating, i am merciless.
Ever Shoplifted:
At one point I was banned from Caldor, 7-11, and My Hero.
How do you want to Die:
I want to burn to death.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:
a kid again
What country would you most like to Visit:
I think Greece. Maybe France or Spain. Europe.
Number of Drugs I have taken:
let me think.... i need a calculator.... got it. one.
Number of CDs I own:
I lost count, I keep them all in my iPod. F the RIAA
Number of Piercings:
None if you don't count ears.
Number of Tattoos:
No tats, I spent all my money on the harley.
Number of things in my Past I Regret:
Solo uno.

In a Girl..
Favorite Eye Color:
It really doesn't matter.
Favorite Hair Color:
Pretty irrelevant
Short or Long Hair:
Long enough for me to toss them around with
I can punt a midget 15 yards, so midgets or shorter
337 lbs.
Favorite Clothing Style:
funky. Maybe some thick framed glasses